Say It With Flowers

This just in from a reader:

Hi Betsy,
 My agent just sold my first book.  I’m trying to act like a grown-up, but really, I feel like peeing my pants. Question:  is there something special I should do to show my appreciation (besides, of course, forking over the commission?)
 Thanks, K

Dear K:  Congratulations to you and your agent.  I know my readers would love to know what the book is, how many publishers were vying for it, how many millions the publisher is giving you as an advance. But we’re too polite to ask.

How do you thank an agent? Say it with flowers. Scotch if your agent is a dude.

One more thing: remember this feeling. You will never love your agent more than in this moment, or feel the earth  a more benevolent place than now. This will eventually fade and be replaced with resentment (“forking over the commission”), disappointment, neglect and despair.

Love, Betsy